Wake up 5am in the morning

Ma head banging, eyes red, room spinning

I can feel the Angel in me screaming

Then shake my head as I sadly watch him leaving

Was wide awake but it really felt like I was dreaming

I swear it felt like being conscious in a comma

As a grotesque scent slowly displaces his sweet aroma

The feeling so lonely seeing myself at that point in time a true loner

So lost in my dark way

That I left no room for my pure angel to stay

Took a detour and watched helplessly as my life went astray

Knowing half my friends are worse made less ashamed

At the end it’s all just a quest to give yourself a social name

Not realising it’s really just a game

Between true happiness and the life you lead being deeply and unconsciously insane

Take a shower, heart pounds a million beats an hour

Closed my eyes and listened to the vodka, nicotine and weed self devour

And thinking ohh no church is in an hour!!

Upon arrival the whole vibe is weakening

I’m the only flower in the garden no blossoming

Found closure in knowing I was probably not the only one hearing the Pastor but just not listening.

 I WAS JUST A DARK LIGHT IN A BRIGHT ROOM my inner glow was barely glistening.

(This entry is just a fraction of the day to day battles I had before I accepted Christ Jesus as my personal Lord and saviour!!)